innovation

When you find the courage to let go of the known and embrace the void...you can finally learn how to fly.

August 28 2020

The Trapeze Parable

Debbie Hulbert Challenger, Choice, Creator, Creator Essence, Creator Orientation, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Practices, Spirituality, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Transform Drama Challenger, change, choice, Creator, growth, innovation, learning, making shifts happen, mindset, Outcome Orientation, Shift, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, The Power of TED*, Transform Drama 0

This parable was written by the late husband of a good friend of ours. How does a trapeze artist learn to pry their fingers off the familiar bar and leap to the one coming at them? Discovering their secret changed the way we now relate to the tension of life. We think it will change your relationship too.

The Trapeze Parable
by Danaan Parry

Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I’m hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I’m in control of my life.

I know most of the right questions and even some of the answers.

But every once in a while, as I’m merrily swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It’s empty and I know that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts, I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar and move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me I hope that I won’t have to let go of my old bar completely before I grab the new one. But, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar and hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar.

Each time, I am filled with terror. It doesn’t matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. Each time I am afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between bars.

I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because to keep hanging on to that old bar is no longer an alternative.

It’s called “transition.” I have come to believe that this transition is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a “no-thing,” a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that’s real, too. But the void in between? Is that just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible?

NO! What a wasted opportunity that would be. I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is real, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid real change, the real growth.

Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

So, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition between trapezes. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where real change happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly.

August 21 2020

Gratitude for an Exciting New Addition!

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, Business & The Workplace, Challenger, Choice, Coach, Communication, Creator, Creator Essence, Creator Orientation, David Emerald, DDT, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Family, Gratitude, Inner Persecutor, Leadership, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Parenting, Pause Practice, Persecutor, Persecutor, Politics & Government, Practices, Relationships, Rescuer, Rescuer, Stress, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim, Victim Orientation, World 3 Vital Questions, Challenger, change, choice, Coach, communication, Creator, David, David Emerald, DDT, Drama, Drama Triangle, Dreaded Drama Triangle, growth, innovation, learning, listening, making shifts happen, mindset, Outcome Orientation, Pause, Pause Practice, Persecutor, relationships, Rescuer, Shift, stress, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim Orientation 0

Over the years, readers have shared their stories with us about how they are applying TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^® in their lives. This week we begin an exciting new feature to our weekly blog. We are capturing these stories on video and will be sharing them with you from time to time.

In the brief video below, Ann shares how a gratitude practice helped her family through the first few months of the COVID-19 crisis.

Gratitude is often called a “relationship emotion” because it exists in relationship to others, yourself, or what you are appreciating. It is a complex emotion that doesn’t stand alone because it seeds additional positive emotions.

Gratitude is the best way we know to override the fear that fuels the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). Our human psyche is strongly influenced by negative emotions which is why consciously focusing on gratitude is a game-changer.

When you are in a state of gratitude you become more expansive, open, feel lighter, and more content. In this state, you are cultivating more positive relationships with yourself, and life in general, while nourishing your Creator essence that is always present if you practice tapping into its energy.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has many benefits. When you are in a state of gratitude you notice that your mood lifts and you naturally focus on what you like more than what you don’t like. This energetic shift builds momentum and gives you the energy to take action toward what you care about.

These grateful moments become like a magnifying glass that enlarges your focus and connects you to the positive feelings that arise when you focus on what you appreciate. You are literally teaching your neurological system what you value, and in the process, you counter-balance your brain’s tendency to worry about problems.

Ann does a beautiful job of describing how this worked for her personally and with her family and the family business. Thank you, Ann for sharing your story and watch for more videos in the coming weeks!

There is plenty of joy in the world if we are willing to pay attention

July 10 2020

Finding Joy in Troubling Times

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, Business & The Workplace, Choice, Creator, Creator Essence, Creator Orientation, David Emerald, Donna Zajonc, Family, Leadership, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Practices, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim, World 1st Vital Question, 3 Vital Questions, change, choice, creativity, Creator, David, David Emerald, Donna, donna zajonc, Donna Zajonc MCC, FISBE, growth, innovation, learning, making shifts happen, mindset, Outcome Orientation, Shift, TED*, The Empowerment Dynamic, Transform Drama, Victim Orientation 0

These are troubling times and everyone is struggling. You may be feeling a bit weary too, as are we. While there is no denying the disruptive realities in our world, we also know that what we focus on has a great deal to do with what shows up in our lives. That is the basis of the 1st Vital Question: “Where are you putting your focus?”

If you devote a lot of your mental energy to all the problems swirling around the news and the internet, it is easy to get stuck in the Victim Orientation, with its fear-based emotions and reactive behaviors. When we do this, frankly, we get exhausted and are not our best self.

David had two experiences this week that helped him realize there is plenty of joy in the world if he was willing to pay attention. These two stories lifted his mood throughout the week and supported him to focus more on the awe in the moment.

The first experience was in a local park where he often walks. He loves the multitude of birds, the flowering vegetation, quaint pond with ducks and the trailing baby ducks, and the wide-open space. The park is large, so it is easy to maintain social distancing, even while being an avid people watcher.

While walking he saw at a distance a little girl, her mother, and an older woman, most likely the grandmother. He guessed the little girl was about 6 or 7 years old, and they clearly were having a good time, laughing and playing together. As he got closer, he saw that they had made a game of throwing an object.

The object they were throwing wasn’t a ball, or Frisbee. It was the little girl’s shoes! The girl and her mom were competing to see who could throw her sneaker the farthest.

David was drawn to their laughter—it was so irresistible and uplifting. He shouted out to them, “Who is the champion shoe thrower?” The little girl threw her arms toward the sky and exclaimed, “Me!”

The joy-filled connection lightened the rest of the walk. On the way home, he listened to a radio interview with a father about how he and his family were managing during the pandemic. The father described the challenge of living in a large urban area, but they were blessed to have a small park nearby. The father shared, “I have young children, so we created a game to look for and explore bugs in the park.” At that point one of the little girls vividly described a centipede, in the way only a young child could. Hearing the description and creativity of looking for bugs brought a smile to David’s face.

Shoes and bugs. Small, daily things that can elicit joy during troubling times.

Donna is exploring her own ways to find joy; riding her bike and feeling the wind in her face, enjoying a cup of tea, tending to colorful flowers in our yard, and reading a great book.

We also asked our team what brings them joy these days and their responses included:

• Playing family games with the kids
• When my dog lays his head on my lap
• Bear hugs from my kids
• Finding a new tomato (especially the first tomato of the season) on a plant
• Seeing a flower bud open and plants grow in my garden
• Sharing a meal with my husband – without phones or any distractions
• Smelling coffee brewing in the morning

And now, we ask you, what brings you joy during these troubling times? Your answers will require that you focus your attention—as a Creator—on what has heart and meaning for you.

We’d love to hear from you if you wish to share.

March 20 2020

Social Distancing Does Not Mean Social Disconnection

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, Baby Steps, Business & The Workplace, Challenger, Choice, Communication, Creator, Creator Orientation, DDT, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Family, Leadership, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, News, Outcome, Pause Practice, Persecutor, Persecutor, Politics & Government, Practices, Relationships, Spirituality, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Victim, Victim, Victim Orientation, World 3 Vital Questions, Baby Steps, Challenger, change, choice, communication, creativity, Creator, DDT, Drama Triangle, Dreaded Drama Triangle, growth, innovation, learning, making shifts happen, mindset, mistakes, Pause, Persecutor, relationships, Shift, stress, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, The Power of TED*, Victim, Victim Orientation 0

We live in the Seattle area of the United States, which is where the Corona-virus first appeared in our country. For several weeks we have had time to make healthy choices and adapt to this new world, including canceling some of our programs and going virtual for others.

We are witnessing extreme disruption to all aspects of life and it is a pretty disorienting time for everyone. In one way this global challenge feels like it happened over night and it is natural to feel like a Victim to the Persecuting virus. At one level there is no denying that people are experiencing victimization economically, psychologically, and in many other ways—some more severely than others.

The first of the 3 Vital Questions is “Where are you putting your focus?” The default way to look at life is through a problem-focused, fear and anxiety-based, and reactive mindset.

In the problem mindset it is easy to see how panicked buying and hoarding occurs, even when advised to self-quarantine and “shelter in place.” We are also told to practice “social distancing” as an important way to reduce the spread of infection from one person to another.

However, social distancing does NOT mean social disconnection.

Reaching out to stay connected with others is probably the number one thing you can do to support your emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. And doing so is indicative of a more positive mindset that is outcome-oriented, passion-based, and about taking empowered action.

Fear is the emotion that fuels the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) while love, kindness, and appreciation are the emotions that fuel TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic). At this extraordinary time in history we are being asked to be our best selves, to step into our Creator essence and true self.

As Creators, we really DO have a choice about how we respond to our current worldwide health Challenger.

In the past week, we have been heartened by the many ways people are connecting with others through phone calls, texts, and online gatherings to support one another. We also hear and experience stories of family, friends, and neighbors offering assistance, while still maintaining physical “social distance.” In addition, others who can are taking the time to connect to the great outdoors, walking, hiking, or just sauntering around the neighborhood.

Here are a few things we recommend for you to compassionately connect with yourself and others:

Tell the truth about the current reality of this pandemic. Rather than focusing on blame, resisting, or trying to control things not in your control, surrender to the truth of this situation, even though there is much we don’t understand or know.
Self-care is world care. Take responsibility for your self-care, which will help build your immune system by getting adequate sleep and nourishing food. Without a self-care plan there’s a higher risk of succumbing to fear and the DDT, which only feeds the same in others.
Avoid drama conversations. One “social distance” we heartily recommend is to not engage in “ain’t it awful” exchanges, gossip, or passing on stories of doom and gloom.
Be intentional about reaching out and connecting. Each morning ask yourself, “Who can I connect with today?”
Share what you are grateful for, when you do connect. When others hear your gratitude list it helps evoke a positive feeling in them. Ask what they are grateful for. A gratitude practice will train your mind to look for the good, rather than feed the fear.
Focus on what brings you joy and creates nourishing moments. When your heart sings there’s little room for fear.
Above all be kind, patient, and compassionate. We have no idea what is going on in the life of others, so let’s give each other a break!

Our world has suddenly shifted from “How can I get ahead?” to “We all need to support one another.” This is a hopeful and monumental shift!

While it seems impossible now, the virus may be a disrupting force that supports us all to slow down, be intentional about what is important, and teaches us to connect in new and more meaningful ways.

Social connecting as Co-Creators is more vital than ever.

December 27 2019

Top 3 Essays of 2019

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, TED* 3 Vital Questions, empowered questions, innovation, new years, over-function, The Power of TED*, victim thinking 0

Looking Back at 2019 – Here are the top 3 most read essays of the year.

This New Year’s is not only the end of the year, it’s the end of a decade! After over 14 years of publishing the “TED* Works!^®” essays, we are filled with gratitude as we reflect on what TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^® and 3 Vital Questions^® has meant for us, and what YOU have meant to TED*/3VQ. We wouldn’t be where we are today without you, our readers, and our practitioners, trainers, coaches, and many other partners. This month, instead of bringing you a new article, we invite you to revisit our top three articles of 2019! Together, let’s welcome a brand new decade and an empowering 2020!

Ask More Empowered Questions

Great questions trigger ideas and powerful new insights. Depending on the tone and intention behind your questions, they can also come across as condescending and manipulative. Read the Essay

How Victim Thinking Can Stop Innovation
There is a story about two young twin brothers who walked into a barn with their grandfather. One boy complained about the foul-smelling manure and ran out of the barn while complaining about getting manure on his shoes. The other boy raced through the barn with excitement and yelled to his grandfather, “With all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere!” Read the Essay

Do You Over-Function?

There’s a fine line between being helpful and over-functioning. Once you slip into over-functioning mode, you don’t have a choice to act. Your craving to act becomes an urge, almost like an obsession. Read the Essay