Politics & Government

seeking to live as a Creator does not mean you are exempt from being victimized by difficult situations

September 11 2020

The Reality of Victimization

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Challenger, Creator, Creator Essence, Creator Orientation, David Emerald, DDT, Donna Zajonc, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Gratitude, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, News, Parenting, Pause Practice, Politics & Government, Practices, Stress, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Victim, Victim, Victim Orientation, Victimization, World 3 Vital Questions, Baby Steps, Challenger, choice, Creator, David, David Emerald, DDT, Donna, donna zajonc, Donna Zajonc MCC, Drama, Dreaded Drama Triangle, making shifts happen, mindset, Pause, Pause Practice, Shift, stress, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, The Power of TED*, Victim, Victim Orientation 0

As we worked on this week’s “TED* Works!” essay, Donna received word that a long-time, very dear friend’s house had perished in one of the Oregon wildfires. At nearly the same time, she also learned that her niece had been hospitalized for dangerous pregnancy complications that requires long-term hospitalization.

The shock and grief of the news caused us to stop working on the planned piece. The result is this shorter-than-normal weekly essay.

The reality for all of us is that there are times that we experience some form of victimization. Almost everyone today feels overwhelm from a distressing situation, be it home-schooling children while still working, losing your job, health crisis, storms, fires, and so much more. For those of us in the US, today is the nineteenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks—a reminder of more tragic events.

Victimization is a reality of the human experience.

Seeking to live as a Creator does not mean you are suddenly and miraculously exempt from being victimized by difficult situations.

In our workshops, we encourage participants to reflect upon the difference between victimization and Victimhood. Victimhood, in our view, is a way of being that can become a source of identity, living from a feeling of being powerless in face of problems. As we often say, the 3 Vital Questions^® and TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^® work stands as a Challenger to Victimhood, while acknowledging the reality of victimization.

The question is how, as a Creator, do you deal with this reality of victimization?

First, from your Creator Orientation toward life, do your best to remember that you are ultimately “at choice” as to how you respond to the Challengers that arise in your human experience. The choices may be narrow, but accepting that you have the power to choose is empowering.

Second, allow yourself to feel your feelings. There were a lot of tears and sadness last night in our home. At times it is essential to “stop the presses” of your daily life and allow yourself room to feel. The pause may be momentary, or it may take extended time to move through the event. Please do not minimize the role of allowing your feelings to flow and support your healing.

You have surely had your own experiences of victimization—and may be in the midst of one now. Have heaps of self-compassion for yourself, and others, who are also experiencing their moments of victimization. As a Creator, move through it all one micro-Baby Step at a time.

These are the steps we are taking this week. We will return next week with another essay.

August 21 2020

Gratitude for an Exciting New Addition!

Debbie Hulbert 3 Vital Questions, Business & The Workplace, Challenger, Choice, Coach, Communication, Creator, Creator Essence, Creator Orientation, David Emerald, DDT, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Family, Gratitude, Inner Persecutor, Leadership, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Parenting, Pause Practice, Persecutor, Persecutor, Politics & Government, Practices, Relationships, Rescuer, Rescuer, Stress, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim, Victim Orientation, World 3 Vital Questions, Challenger, change, choice, Coach, communication, Creator, David, David Emerald, DDT, Drama, Drama Triangle, Dreaded Drama Triangle, growth, innovation, learning, listening, making shifts happen, mindset, Outcome Orientation, Pause, Pause Practice, Persecutor, relationships, Rescuer, Shift, stress, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim Orientation 0

Over the years, readers have shared their stories with us about how they are applying TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^® in their lives. This week we begin an exciting new feature to our weekly blog. We are capturing these stories on video and will be sharing them with you from time to time.

In the brief video below, Ann shares how a gratitude practice helped her family through the first few months of the COVID-19 crisis.

Gratitude is often called a “relationship emotion” because it exists in relationship to others, yourself, or what you are appreciating. It is a complex emotion that doesn’t stand alone because it seeds additional positive emotions.

Gratitude is the best way we know to override the fear that fuels the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). Our human psyche is strongly influenced by negative emotions which is why consciously focusing on gratitude is a game-changer.

When you are in a state of gratitude you become more expansive, open, feel lighter, and more content. In this state, you are cultivating more positive relationships with yourself, and life in general, while nourishing your Creator essence that is always present if you practice tapping into its energy.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has many benefits. When you are in a state of gratitude you notice that your mood lifts and you naturally focus on what you like more than what you don’t like. This energetic shift builds momentum and gives you the energy to take action toward what you care about.

These grateful moments become like a magnifying glass that enlarges your focus and connects you to the positive feelings that arise when you focus on what you appreciate. You are literally teaching your neurological system what you value, and in the process, you counter-balance your brain’s tendency to worry about problems.

Ann does a beautiful job of describing how this worked for her personally and with her family and the family business. Thank you, Ann for sharing your story and watch for more videos in the coming weeks!

August 7 2020

What Can an Individual Do? (Be a “Trimtab”)

Debbie Hulbert Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Business & The Workplace, Challenger, Choice, Coach, Communication, Creator, David Emerald, Family, Leadership, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Politics & Government, Practices, Relationships, Rescuer, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, World Baby Steps, Challenger, change, choice, Coach, coaching, communication, Creator, David, David Emerald, learning, listening, making shifts happen, mindset, relationships, Shift, The Empowerment Dynamic, The Power of TED* 0

“What can I, as an individual, do to make a difference to positively impact the huge issues we are facing?”

This is a question we hear in many conversations and meetings as we all face the realities of the pandemic, social inequities, systemic racism, and global warming – to name a few. The list is long, and we can feel helpless.

One of David’s all-time “Creator Heroes” is Buckminster Fuller (often called “Bucky.”) For over a decade, David has included a quote from Bucky at the bottom of his emails: “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

One of Bucky’s numerous inventions provides a metaphor for what you – and each of us – can do to make a difference. He challenges us to become a “Trimtab.”

There’s a wonderful article about the invention (found here) and the metaphor concept:

“Bucky told a story of when the Navy commissioned him to solve a critical engineering problem at the height of World War II. As the war raged on the high seas, ever-larger battle ships were needed to seize the advantage. As these ‘great ships of state,’ as Bucky called them, grew in size their steering mechanisms required more power to turn their rudders than their engines could produce. His revolutionary invention not only solved this crucial military problem, it created a new paradigm for human greatness.

Bucky’s invention was called a “Trimtab,” a small six-inch wide strip of metal attached by hinges to the trailing edge of a ship’s rudder. As an engine’s hydraulics force the Trimtab into the path of oncoming water, the pressure generated against it assists the rudder in making its turn. Bucky posed that like this tiny sliver of metal can alter the course of a great ship of state, you and I as little individuals can change the course of humanity (emphasis added).”

If you ever feel small or inadequate in the face of what appears to be insurmountable, become a Trimtab. As a Creator, there are Baby Steps you can take to make a difference in your world and, by extension, the world at large. The key is to start with your world—your day-to-day thoughts, actions, and relationships that are in your control.

Here are some of our thoughts about being a Trimtab:

Cultivate a daily contemplative practice. It might be a period of prayer and/or meditation, journaling your thoughts and experience, reading an inspiring “thought for the day,” or any other activity that supports your conscious awareness as you begin the day.
Set your intention. As you look ahead to your day, where and how might you engage with others in your family, friends, colleagues, and strangers to be a source of kindness, compassion, and support? Think about the appointments and opportunities the day may bring.
Reach out to others. In addition to your anticipated daily interactions, reach out to someone. It may be a friend who could use support (as a Coach, not a Rescuer); or someone from your past that you have allowed to slip away; or, perhaps, even writing to a state or national Congress-person to state an issue for which you want to offer your support.

The actions you take do not have to overtly “save the world.” Rather, your conscious and empowered acts are decisions that contribute to “turning the ship” in often unseen ways.

See yourself as a Trimtab, working to ease the pain of the world’s challengers, one step at a time, co-creating the possibility of a world that works for all.

one of the most important things you can do is to acknowledge your Creator essence and to think for yourself

July 24 2020

Are You Overly Agreeable?

Debbie Hulbert Choice, Communication, Creator, Creator Essence, David Emerald, DDT, Donna Zajonc, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Leadership, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Outcome, Parenting, Persecutor, Persecutor, Politics & Government, Practices, Relationships, Rescuer, Rescuer, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Transform Drama, Victim, Victim, World change, choice, communication, Creator, Creator essence, David, David Emerald, DDT, Donna, donna zajonc, Donna Zajonc MCC, Drama Triangle, Dreaded Drama Triangle, growth, learning, listening, making shifts happen, mindset, Persecutor, relationships, Rescuer, Shift, TED*, The Power of TED*, Transform Drama, Victim 0

Growing up, we both heard these phrases from our parents: “Be nice, Donna, and get along.” David heard “you have to learn to share,” and “don’t fight” was a favorite. Our parents did the best they could, and what many of these phrases taught us was to be overly agreeable.

We humans are drawn to connect and get along. It was essential for our ancestors to agree to work together to build thriving communities. However, there is a downside to being overly agreeable. If you are desperate for agreement, you can become entrenched in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). When playing the Rescuer role in the DDT, you may readily agree to avoid a conflict. If you slip into the Victim role, you may feel powerless to share your voice and experience, assuming no one is listening.

If you default to always agreeing, you may withhold your opinion, eventually driving your perspective underground. Even though you don’t talk about it, your different perspective will still be there and will leak out in other ways. For example, you might encourage others to speak up for you. Or, you might mince your words and not be clear about your point-of-view. You may also be quick to compromise to not rock the boat.

It is okay to be pleasing and agreeable at times, but it can also have the opposite effect. Research has shown that if you are overly agreeable to a particular point-of-view, you may become part of a group of like-minded people which can lead to “choosing-up sides” and criticizing those who don’t think the same way. All this can lead to polarization and more disagreement!

Here are a few more ways being overly agreeable may show up. You may:

Develop poor boundaries and feel it is your duty to do what everyone else wants,
Attract Persecutors who are willing and able to abuse you,
Submit to authority and deny your needs and gifts, and
Relinquish your own creativity and sense of purpose and direction.

Our world is being disrupted in every corner of society. Incorporating different perspectives in our cultures is essential and that means hearing your voice also. If, as a society, we develop sophisticated ways to simply agree with the norm, we may follow the leaders with the loudest voices, so not to cause more disruption.

We believe one of the most important things you can do is to acknowledge your Creator essence and to think for yourself—speak up and own your experience and point-of-view.

You may not identify with this topic because you don’t have trouble speaking up and sharing your opinion. For many however, it is risky to speak up in environments that do not acknowledge or appreciate diversity of experiences and opinions.

You can support those who feel it is risky to disagree by giving them your attention, by deeply listening to them. The second thing you can do is to be a champion for trusting environments where people are encouraged to speak up and share their wisdom and experience. Ask yourself:

How do I behave in the presence of another when they are thinking and sharing?
How do others behave in my presence when they are thinking and sharing?
Does my presence encourage them to be the best version of themselves, regardless of any differences between us?
Do I consider the person who is sharing my equal? Do I acknowledge and recognize their Creator essence?

Let us all, together, escape the deception of being overly agreeable and learn to listen to one another, as co-Creators, cultivating environments where we can understand and grow together.

Freedom starts within yourself (when) you are free from your own inner-tyranny and self-persecution.

July 3 2020

Freedom From the Inside Out

Debbie Hulbert Business & The Workplace, Challenger, Choice, Coach, Communication, Creator, Creator Essence, DDT, Dreaded Drama Triangle, Inner Persecutor, Life Challenges, Making Shifts Happen, Neurobiology, Outcome, Pause Practice, Persecutor, Persecutor, Politics & Government, Practices, Rescuer, Rescuer, TED*, TED* @ Home, TED* @ Work, Victim, Victim, World brain, Challenger, change, choice, Coach, communication, Creator, DDT, Drama Triangle, Dreaded Drama Triangle, growth, inner persecutor, learning, making shifts happen, mindset, Pause, Pause Practice, Persecutor, Rescuer, Shift, TED*, TED* The Empowerment Dynamic, The Empowerment Dynamic, The Power of TED*, Victim 0

The month of July hosts several Independence Day celebrations around the world. July 1^st was Canada’s Independence Day and the “4^th of July” is recognized in the US as the day the states became free and independent from the tyranny of a foreign king.

The current global disruption is showing the world that freedom exists, or does not exist, on many levels. To speak without hindrance, to think and live without imprisonment has not been universally experienced and could be the subject of many blogs. But what we write about this week, is your own inner freedom.

Freedom starts within yourself and your relationship with your own thoughts and internal conversations. You will never be truly free unless you are free from your own inner-tyranny and self-persecution.

In our education and training workshops, it surprises participants to learn that the three roles that make up the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer operate inside of themselves (we call this your inner-DDT), in addition to how they show up in relationships in the outside world.

Many people do not realize their inner Persecutor is running in the background of their consciousness, influencing their beliefs about themselves and the world. If your personal thoughts are self-critical, your peace of mind and emotional well-being will suffer, and you may never experience true personal freedom.

We have coached hundreds of leaders who, by all accounts, are outwardly successful. But when asked about what they say to themselves privately, they often are their worst tyrants.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. And, how you relate to yourself will have a big impact on how you relate to others.

Victor Frankl, a survivor of Auschwitz and the holocaust, wrote in his classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning: “The last of human freedoms is the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances—to choose one’s own way.”

Fully embracing that you are always at choice is where personal freedom lives.

The key to making empowered choices and personal freedom is to understand how your mind works. The more you understand that your inner Persecuting voice is really only one of many voices, it will loosen its grip. Just because a thought pops into your head does not mean you have to believe it, give it any power, or act on it.

We all have self-critical and demeaning thoughts from time to time. The secret is to view them as passing chatter and just one of many thoughts you can focus on. Just a few deep breaths or a short conscious walk can help you quiet the voice. Once you do this, you can calm yourself and ask yourself “How do I choose to respond?”

Personal freedom is choosing what thoughts to give your attention and power to. Just as you have the DDT roles operating within you, you also have the TED* (*Empowerment Dynamic)^® roles of Creator, Challenger, and Coach available to consciously relate to yourself, others, and your life experience.

As you become more self-observant and aware, you can choose your response to life’s challenges. Taking responsibility for your choices will reinforce and grow your Creator essence and enable and empower you to act upon the freedom to create your own life.

The Creator in you helps to clear your mind and brings well-being and freedom to your life. You will feel a lot of more positive energy and joy when you see that freedom does lies within. You may still hear your inner-tyrant from time-to-time, you just don’t have to give that voice any power.

You can choose personal freedom by understanding your true essence as a Creator.